Lindsay Turned Blonde overnight

Lindsay Lohan decided that she needed a change and dyed her hair blond. Now, I know that they say blonds have more fun, but I’m not sure how much fun you can have if you’re Lindsay? There’s no meat on her bones… I’d have to get creative I guess. Anyway, each and every time I see new pictures of Lindsay, her legs are skinnier and skinnier. So she better start eating because I don’t know how creative I could get with a corpse.

Lindsay doing a bad job of making Sam jealous

A extremely sloshed looking Lindsay Lohan stumbled her way into some random singer’s CD release party that was such an important big deal, that even after googling for 15 minutes we could barely find anything of note besides an ugly MySpace video and a crappy behind-the-scenes video. Our guess? Lindsay’s such a wrecked lady, no one’s inviting her any more to the real stuff, so she’s been forced to take matters into her own, incapable hands and bumble about to whatever she spots posted to telephone poles.

She even takes a moment to frighten a small child … “Mommy, why does the freckled face monster smell like Grandpa’s special Wake Up Juice?”

Lindsay thinks English people like her

Is a move to England in Lindsay Lohan's future? Sure . . . if she can collect enough cans to pay for airfare. She told People (UK):

"I am so in love with Sam but the truth is neither of us can ever stop arguing with one another. I wake up every morning and despite being more in love with Sam than I have been with anyone in the past, in all honesty I don’t know if we’ll still be together by the time we go to bed.

"We both love England and it would be good to get away from here. I feel trapped sometimes. British people tell me that they really like me so maybe I would do well working over there."

Lindsay shouldn't move to England -- they're far too puritan. She needs to move to a country where they're more tolerant of drug abuse, opinionated women, and homosexual relationships -- like Saudi Arabia. Of course there's really only one reason why a woman like Lindsay should move to a country like that: she'd have to cover up her face whenever she was out in public.

Lindsay Lohan has food (Milk) named after her

My thoughts exactly Lindsay Lohan made her own custom milkshake at "Millions of Milkshakes" in West Hollywood last night. Cool. I've always wanted to see what vanilla ice cream, Red Bull, chocolate, cigarettes, peanut butter, sideboobs and unpaid credit card.











Some marketing wizard thought it'd be a good idea to name a food item after Lindsay Lohan, so here she is at Millions of Milkshakes last night mixing up a milkshake named after her for the cameras. Surprisingly missing from these shots is the cleaning crew that came in afterward and essentially burned the place to the ground before salting the earth. In related news, the three children who tasted the Lindsay Shake are still missing though at this point it's a given their livers exploded, and they were eaten by coyotes. And now, sports!

Sam throws Lindsay Lohan out of the house

Seems like the reconciliation between Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend Sam Ronson is over before it really even began. The sapphic twosome, who had been getting on again since late June, apparently got into a big blowout fight when Sam returned from an evening of partying with ‘The Sopranos’ star Drea De Matteo at Nobu in LA.

Witnesses, who should have been minding their own business but thankfully weren’t, heard Lindsay slip back into her ‘Mean Girls’ role as she shouted ‘liar’ from within Sam’s home. For all the drama, DJ Sam spun Linds out the door like a record and even threw her clothes on the street.

Poor Lindsay! With all the black clothing she wears, at least getting thrown out on the street won’t make them noticeably dirty. See? There’s an upside to everything.

Lindsay Lohan's Cameltoe Rejection

Once again Lindsay Lohan was left confused outside of Samantha Ronson's house for hours. Because who wouldn't want a visit from a drug crazed loon with a cameltoe, stains and watergun!?!?...

The New Marilyn Monroe - Lindsay Lohan

So it seems that my temporary ban on Lindsay Lohan has come to an abrupt halt, here she is doing her best Marilyn Monroe impersonation on the cover of Vogue magazine. I guess it wasn’t really a ban on Lindsay it was more of a policy. Sadly I have a hard time enforcing most of the policies I’ve had over the years, like the t-shirt I used to have that said “No Fat Chicks”, I don’t want to get into details but that policy didn’t last very long.

Lindsay Lohan Fornarina Ads

Lindsay Lohan proves that with a professional photographer, professional make-up artists, professional stylist, and a professional Photoshop touch-up artists she can look very sexy. These are her new ads for the Fornarina Spring/Summer 2009 collection.






Lindsay does look very hot in these pictures, but comparing them to her usual walking out of or into Sam’s house pictures you can tell some work was done.

LiLo admires her character in Labor Pains because ‘it’s easy for her to lie’

Lindsay Lohan’s latest film “Labor Pains,” which was highly mocked for going straight-to-DVD, will now be taking a quick left turn from DVD land and instead premiering on ABC Family this Sunday. There are few things more shameful than for a movie to be made for the theater and demoted to direct-to-DVD status. Except making a pit stop on cable. What a screwy runaround. And it sounds like a gem of a film – the plot is outlined on ABC Family’s website.

Thea Clayhill (Lindsay Lohan) is about to lose her position as secretary to a very cranky publisher (Chris Parnell) - so she lies about being pregnant to save her job. It works, but now what?

With help from a friend (Cheryl Hines) - and a pillow - Thea fakes a pregnancy while she figures out what to do next. But in the meantime, her boss gets called out of town and his cute brother Nick (Luke Kirby) takes over. Nick launches a new parenting division at the publishing company, and he wants Thea to be the editor. Suddenly she gets a raise and a promotion. And pretty soon she begins to like her new life - not to mention Nick - a lot.

But how long can Thea keep up this ruse? And what will happen when everyone learns the truth?

Well at least it’s a unique film and not a cheesy, trite cliché. ABC also has some clips with Lohan, which reveal her favorite thing about her character is that she’s a liar.

“I love Thea’s Character because she’s very clever. It’s very easy for her to lie and get away with things, which is interesting to watch. I love how also she’s very caring.”

[From ABC Family (link leads to automatic video)]

It’s great that that’s the first attribute Lohan starts with. “I love this person because they’re a fantastic liar.” I mean if that’s not someone’s strongest attribute, I don’t even want to talk to them. Don’t waste my time with the “truth.” Lohan’s a pretty bad liar herself, constantly caught in contradictions and all out B.S. So it’s no surprise she’d be envious of someone capable of effectively manipulating others. That might explain some of Lohan’s awkward acting.

People were hoping this movie would get Lohan back on the right track, career-wise. I don’t think anyone thought she’d win any awards for it, but maybe prove she was still a decent actress. Unfortunately the whole thing is a stinker – I mean it’s airing on a network known for fine programming like “My Fake Fiance” with Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence. What an auspicious group Lohan’s joined.

In case you missed it, here’s the trailer for “Labor Pains.” Or you can just wait around a few days and flip to it on commercials while you’re watching something better.